“NEVER lie to someone who trusts you, NEVER trust someone who lies to you.”
If only these words were spoken to me before….
Dammit D, your sense came too late.
“NEVER lie to someone who trusts you, NEVER trust someone who lies to you.”
If only these words were spoken to me before….
Dammit D, your sense came too late.
Words, pictures, fantasies and thoughts, memories…ripple through my brain all of the time. These ripples must create an energy of some sort.
I can feel their warmth.
My ears breathe as if these currents of warmth are whispering outward, eventually consuming my face and body in their glow.
But their weight keeps shifting. Sometimes the existence of these currents are heavy, almost unbearable. Yet there are times when it is all weightless, the glow is not there, nor is the warmth…there are waves of what I can only describe as voids. Emptiness. Yes, it comes and goes, just like the heavy loads.
Often, the glow is there and it feels like a warm/cool current of awesome.
When you’re swimming in a lake in late June to mid-July, you’ll feel these warm/cool currents pass over your body as you dangle in the water. I love those currents. I like it when my glow feels like that…or when it’s bursting with fantastical sparks of glee.
Right now those mind ripples are shifting me every which way and it’s incredibly uncomfortable.
I’m getting motion sickness from lying still and feeling my mind.
I remember you,
But when we last met,
You had lost your head.
Seems you found it again.
Such good news…
But is that a thread coming loose?
Perhaps not. Oh my imagination.
By the way, how’s the revivification?
There’s more color to your skin.
But your eyes,
Sunken in.
I don’t mean to be rude,
I understand what you’ve gone through.
You did what you had to do.
Didn’t you?
…
I did too much that I didn’t need to do.
Be a king and queen in our own time
First you have to save me from my mind
A prince to the dark tower
Prevent her pain from becoming her power
I have conversations with myself all the time
And hope one day someone else is on the receiving line
Of the communication spilling out of my mouth
But maybe then it’ll make sense somehow
And I’ll say, I’ll say “I’m sorry for ways,
Sorry for the things that I’ve done
And have yet to do.
I’m sorry for my complex smile,
And for the wicked little child
Who happens to love you.”
I’ll pretend you’re sitting there and you’ll speak
Whisper words charmingly tongue-in-cheek
I’ll laugh and bat my lashes as you move in
And kiss the corner of my welcoming grin
And you’ll say, you’ll say “I’m sorry for my ways,
Sorry for the things that I’ve done
And have yet to do.
I’m sorry for my complex smile,
For the wicked little child
Who happens to love you.
We’ll ride dinosaurs into the promised land
Fight off brutes and thieves with our bare hands
You’ll invent a new automobile
I’ll write a song that’ll makes steel feel
And we’ll, each have someone to understand
We both have awkward ways
Both made bad decisions in our early days
And because we’re wicked and complex
We’ll make mistakes again and again
As lovers and best friends…
We’ll live in a tree and prove that bees have knees
I am certain that I have crossed paths with some who might have assumed I am unintelligent or uneducated, that I am perhaps ignorant or naive. Dim.
I am also quite sure that many I have met believe I am methodical and wicked, manipulative and selfish. Maybe even think that I am without integrity or honor, or a conscience.
There are a few who I know believe me to be nearly in need of padded walls and most certainly think that I should at the very least be on medication.
And then there are those in my life who are certain that I am none of that, or that though I’m some of that I’m more than that, or that yes, though I was that, I’m no longer that, I’m better than that…now. Those who I hold closest, the ones I am most certain of, are also certain of their faith in me.
They’ve shown me life and given me a second chance at having it. Their endless support, their hope and unconditional love is the reason why I’m alive today…that I’m alive and not causing harm to myself or others. I’m alive and want to make right with the world, and with those I’ve offended.
I don’t want to be careless anymore…I’m not. If I have to sweep and mop up after all the crap I have spilled all over society for the rest of my life, then I’m just grateful that there are people who know I’m capable of handling that broom and have faith that I won’t turn the mop into a weapon…I am eternally grateful that God has faith in me that I’ll do a good job. I’ll do my best…and if my best is anything like my worst, it should be pretty jaw-dropping.
I have a lot of work to do.
I have read recently that some of the earliest Christians, those of the first centuries, believed (or said), that “The world was created for the sake of The Church.” This idea is found in The Shepherd of Hermas.
But after very little thought, I decided that this could not be so. Because I have put a great deal of thought into this matter before. Why do we exist? What is our purpose?
Simply…I think the world was created for the sake of faith. There would be no purpose for our world, if we existed in it, but without faith of any kind, without faith in anything or anyone…no purpose for our world, if we were without hope…a world without love.
But I believe in so much more than that, obviously. Nothing is “simply” simple. I make everything complex. Just ask anyone who has ever known me well.
Your cryptic tongue tells no tales to me…but your words may still be conceived deceiving. And I will ponder of you as you wander back to your home, with thoughts of me still sinking…sinking to places where I want to belong but am turned away by another’s song, turned away by your insisting, turned away by your relentless resisting…
I need to find my place, as I know it’s not with you. But I’m delighted by your face, I’m struggling to accept the truth.
Won’t you just hold my hand until I get through?
I’m married, happily married. To an absolutely wonderful man. I don’t just love my hubby, I’m head-over-heels in the most cliche way, in love with him. He truly is my Mr. Right, my everything. He has accepted me for everything I am, including the fact that I’m bisexual. But my sexuality has nothing to do with our marriage, because I chose him…above ALL others, it’s him I want and need.
But many people seem to think that being bisexual means you are incapable of being monogamous, and that’s simply ignorance at it’s finest. The assumption that we’re incapable of a one person relationship based upon our sexuality, is highly offensive, at least in my opinion.
If my husband ever asked me if we could bring in a third wheel, I’d be devastated, I could never “share” him with another person, the very idea of it infuriates me, he’s mine as I am his. I know for a fact he would also be incredibly hurt if I ever asked for such an experience, for he wouldn’t want to share me either. This topic was discussed between us long ago, before we were married, and we both feel the same when it comes to marriage. Matrimony SHOULD be a union between two people who love one another (man+woman/woman+woman/man+man) and for us specifically, two people united under God’s blessing, for we both are also Christian.
(Oh how you assume the contradictions of my lifestyle abound, I’m sure. But me being Christian and bisexual is a different blog for another day)
Bringing a third person into a marriage would potentially disrupt love with lust, and with that can come confusion and more often than not the utter destruction of a marriage. I’ve met people who have an “open” marriage or are polyamorous (not to be confused with polygamy), and their marriages are or appear to be stable in the way they see fit. But for me personally, if I wanted to be with anyone other than my husband, I wouldn’t have gotten married. I’m not judging those who do have polyamorous lifestyles, people are different—marriages are different, what works for others will not necessarily work for us and vice versa…however, I am attempting to clearly state where my husband and I stand on our marriage, all seats are taken, it’s a closed one.
But understand this, a bisexual person choosing to marry someone doesn’t imply they’re choosing “sides”, it means they’re choosing love, a single person to love. So these days, I swing only one way, my husband’s way.
I want to share a piece of an article from http://www.uncharted-worlds.org that I feel really does a slam-dunk job of defining bisexuals and monogamy:
For a bi person in a monogamous (one partner) relationship, calling themself bisexual says something about their potential to be with either a woman or a man. It doesn’t mean they need both right now. It may mean that supposing they split up with their current partner, they could imagine being with either a woman or a man next. It may mean that they never imagine splitting up with their current partner, but they still call themselves bi to acknowledge their attractions to people of more than one gender. For some bi people this is politically important; for some, it’s more about being true to themselves and honest. Acknowledging the attraction doesn’t mean you will necessarily act on it, either now or in the future.
and to quote an author the same website identifies,
“Learning to legitimate desire without necessarily acting upon it is a challenge any long-term monogamous relationship faces.” – Ruth Gibian
I really felt like I needed to address this issue today and I feel better for doing so. I am proud of who I have become, I am honored to be loved by the man who is now my husband, and I love him and am in love with him, not because of what is between his legs but because of WHO he is. He is a blessing and I thank God for him everyday.
When tomorrow finally comes
hopin’ the ache goes away
at least becomes numb
so we can fight for another day
when tomorrow comes
don’t forget to say thanks
We may not have everything we want
Or the people whom we’d like near
There’s still a desire for the rest of the plot
Yes, Someone still wants us here
When tomorrow comes
Which way are you goin’ to steer ?
(break for guitar/drum/bass solo/s…sounds like a journey, it needs to build up and then just rip into this climax)
So before tomorrow finally comes
I’ll enjoy my every breath
Count my blessings and sing a song
Of fearing no Mr. Death.
When tomorrow finally comes
I’ll be ready for the rest
(something is missing….this is not done yet….)