Bextaboo

I’m married, happily married.  To an absolutely wonderful man.  I don’t just love my hubby, I’m head-over-heels in the most cliche way, in love with him.  He truly is my Mr. Right, my everything.  He has accepted me for everything I am, including the fact that I’m bisexual.  But my sexuality has nothing to do with our marriage, because I chose him…above ALL others, it’s him I want and need.

But many people seem to think that being bisexual means you are incapable of being monogamous, and that’s simply ignorance at it’s finest.  The assumption that we’re incapable of a one person relationship based upon our sexuality, is highly offensive, at least in my opinion.

If my husband ever asked me if we could bring in a third wheel, I’d be devastated, I could never “share” him with another person, the very idea of it infuriates me, he’s mine as I am his.  I know for a fact he would also be incredibly hurt if I ever asked for such an experience, for he wouldn’t want to share me either.  This topic was discussed between us long ago, before we were married, and we both feel the same when it comes to marriage.  Matrimony SHOULD be a union between two people who love one another (man+woman/woman+woman/man+man) and for us specifically, two people united under God’s blessing, for we both are also Christian.
(Oh how you assume the contradictions of my lifestyle abound, I’m sure.  But me being Christian and bisexual is a different blog for another day)

Bringing a third person into a marriage would potentially disrupt love with lust, and with that  can come confusion and more often than not the utter destruction of a marriage.  I’ve met people who have an “open” marriage or are polyamorous (not to be confused with polygamy), and their marriages are or appear to be stable in the way they see fit.  But for me personally, if I wanted to be with anyone other than my husband, I wouldn’t have gotten married.  I’m not judging those who do have polyamorous lifestyles, people are different—marriages are different, what works for others will not necessarily work for us and vice versa…however, I am attempting to clearly state where my husband and I stand on our marriage, all seats are taken, it’s a closed one.

But understand this, a bisexual person choosing to marry someone doesn’t imply they’re choosing “sides”, it means they’re choosing love, a single person to love.  So these days, I swing only one way, my husband’s way.

I want to share a piece of an article from http://www.uncharted-worlds.org that I feel really does a slam-dunk job of defining bisexuals and monogamy:

For a bi person in a monogamous (one partner) relationship, calling themself bisexual says something about their potential to be with either a woman or a man. It doesn’t mean they need both right now. It may mean that supposing they split up with their current partner, they could imagine being with either a woman or a man next.  It may mean that they never imagine splitting up with their current partner, but they still call themselves bi to acknowledge their attractions to people of more than one gender. For some bi people this is politically important; for some, it’s more about being true to themselves and honest.  Acknowledging the attraction doesn’t mean you will necessarily act on it, either now or in the future.

and to quote an author the same website identifies,

“Learning to legitimate desire without necessarily acting upon it is a challenge any long-term monogamous relationship faces.” – Ruth Gibian

I really felt like I needed to address this issue today and I feel better for doing so.  I am proud of who I have become, I am honored to be loved by the man who is now my husband, and I love him and am in love with him, not because of what is between his legs but because of WHO he is.  He is a blessing and I thank God for him everyday.